Submission Guidelines:

WRITING FOR THE MAGAZINE

Send humorous writing to Submissions. Send all text in the body of an email. We will neither open nor read attachments from strangers. We are lazy. Submissions must contain fewer than 1501 words. Please do not send anything published previously. We read quickly, but, again, because we are lazy, give us some time (i.e. two weeks) to get back to you.

Good luck, and happy writing.

A WORD ON POETRY:

At this time, A Lush In Rio only publishes unsolicited poetry written by or about unicorns. The poetry we ask people to write for us, whether in a Williamsburg dive bar or a Park Slope lounge, will most times be about unicorns as well. In point of fact, we will not read unsolicited submissions that do not engage this theme within the first five lines.

We're serious.

However, we are excited to publish your poetry, and if you have yet to delve into the realm of unicorn poetry, we highly encourage you do so.

Thank you.

P.S.: We've noticed that some of you have trouble classifying what is or is not a prose poem. We shall therefore determine, by committee, whether your prose poem is, in fact, a work of prose, a poem, or an actual prose poem. And we will get back to you. To be on the safe side, we suggest including in your prose poem some sort of hybrid or mutant unicorn. Perhaps a griffin (but always with the head of a unicorn, because that's the most interesting part).

A WORD ON PLAYS:

All plays should conform to our word count guideline limiting submissions to 1501 words or less. Allowances will be made for various slugs.

A WORD ON WORD-GAMES:

We love them. Please invent and send them to us. With directions. Don't be a cryptic son of a bitch.

A WORD ON GRAPHICS

Let us know what you want to send before you send it, and we'll get back to you within 72 hours. The web is a fickle mistress, and displaying graphics properly while keeping the admittedly Minimalist aesthetic of the site might prove difficult. Especially for two full-time wage earners and a raft of farmhands who have other projects and drinking to do.

A WORD ON RIGHTS:

As a (currently) not-for-profit literary venture, we will retain exclusive rights to your work for two years from the publishing date. After that time, you are free to republish your work in any manner you so choose. Boom-shaka-laka.

A WORD ON TONE:

A Lush In Rio is an equal opportunity offender. We insult all persons equally, and in due time. As editors and keepers of this site, we trade in highly-tuned common sense, and hope that the entire world will someday be able to take itself less seriously.

(Note the profanity pervasive in our official text, and our tongue-in-cheek hatred/fear of the beings in the animal kingdom.)

Conversely, we take very seriously any submission that reads as directly hateful towards any individual person or group. Hate isn't clever, and therefore isn't funny. We shall forget we heard from you.

RADIO SHOW AUDITIONS

A Lush In Rio is in the habit of requesting friends and funny persons to come on the air with us. At this time, we will leave the audition process (somewhat) open. Email Paul with the following:

  • why you want to be on the radio (in three haiku or a photo series featuring fancy snow shovels);
  • any experience you may have (along with links or places to pick up your work on the cheap);
  • any humorous writing you may have done.

We wholeheartedly respect people who have absolutely no experience. We have only fifteen years of college improv between the five or six of us who will be performing regularly. If you are enthusiastic, let it show and we'll come up with some way to check you out.

Absolutely ALL persons will be met by at least two of the A Lush In Rio Team Squadron Force prior to any recording. You must be able to get yourself to any one of the following places:

--Brooklyn;

--Manhattan.

These places are in New York City.

A Lush In Rio records regularly, for no less than ninety minutes and no more than two hours, twenty-nine minutes, and fifty-nine seconds.